Monday, March 23, 2009

For Faythe

So Faythe has requested poop stories from work. She even threatened to withhold good coffee from me!...

This one is for you Faythe. And for everybody else... this is kind of gross.

One of my patients today was a gentleman who may have C. diff, which means (among other things) that I have to gown and glove before even going into his room. Another thing it means is that (since we don't know for sure yet if he has C. diff) I need to get a stool sample.

Apparently, they sent a sample down last night, but it was such a small sample, the lab didn't have enough to work with. They were nice enough to put a Depends down to catch any poop that came without warning.

He was confused and I found out later that he had been "combative" on a shift prior to mine (information that I normally find helpful before I clean them). Lucky for me, "Billy Joe" was disoriented but calm and non-combative. ("Is that a cat next to me?" "Nope, we don't have cats in the hospital, Billy Joe.")

I take my break, and right at the end of it I get a call - the nurse tells me there are some people from another floor here to pick him up for a procedure... but he had a bowel movement and needed to be changed first.

I grabbed my specimen cup and took a spoon from the kitchen (hahaha - how is that not ironic?!?... or maybe just creepy?) and headed to his room. Gowning up and gloving my hands, I got the soapy water and washcloths, hamper, trashcan... etc. And my spoon and cup of course.

Billy Joe is not a small man, and he was in some pain... making it very difficult for him to roll over. Oh, did I mention his scrotum was swollen? My blog will surely get flagged for that statement. There was a pillowcase separating it from his legs - I guess so it wouldn't get smashed. He also had a catheter ("I have to pee." "You have a catheter in, Billy Joe..." "Oh.... I have to pee."), so he had a lot going on.

I tried to do it all myself at first. Honestly though, after getting halfway done and suddenly Billy Joe says, "I'm going to go again," I had to rethink my strategy. I got another CNA to help hold him up on his side while I cleaned. When I was nearly finished (again), my friend Billy Joe said, "I'm going again I think." Sure enough, he was. Oh yes, you might say I got to see it first. And just so YOU can have a nice visual to go along with the story, his diarhhea looked a lot like Ragu. Yeah. Kind of orangey-red and chunky, yet very fluid.

After the third poo, I had to change the entire bed, including the extra pillowcase. I mean, you can't just have everything cleaned and on it's way out to the garbage and hamper, poop again, and expect it to stay in a Depends that isn't even on all the way.

Needless to say, I got a very substantial sample for the lab. With my spoon. Scoop scoop!


A. Malcontent said...


You will definitely be getting your coffee now!

Tytainya, Queen of the Fairies said...

This was so sick and gross, but I couldn't stop laughing!!!