Tuesday, December 11, 2007

A Message to the Guy in the Silver Car

A message to the guy in the silver car:

Dear "Sir" (using the term loosely),
This letter is to the old man with gray hair and a big, huge moustache that went out of style in the early 80's. The guy who is probably retired and driving that silver car - a Lexus maybe - with the personalized Crater Lake plates that starts with a "P".
While I was driving five miles OVER the speed limit, and with nowhere to get out of your way because of the myriads of semi-trucks in the slow lane (the only other lane), it did not motivate me to go faster when you got so close to my bumper I couldn't see your headlights. It also didn't make me want to go anywhere to alleviate your "pain" when you backed off a couple of inches and started flashing your brights. In fact, I took great pleasure when we got to the construction area and was forced to slow to an agonizing 55 miles per hour.
Oh, Mister Old Man, it was super satisfying to slow down to 55, watching you shake your head and raise your fist in the air. Just know that you had absolutely no power and nowhere to speed around me. The more you flashed your lights and tried to climb up my tailpipe, the happier I was! And not at all inspired to squeeze between semi-trucks just so you could get to the person in front of me.
I will admit however, that when I put my blinker on and s-l-o-w-l-y moved into the other lane (when there was finally enough space), and when I smiled ever-so-sweetly at you as you passed, I admit I was surprised at you. Just remember, the next time you look to make sure it's a girl before you flip her off, one of these days a meaner girl than me might take it more personally.
Have a nice day, old man. By the way, miles down the road I saw you just a couple of cars in front of me, behind all those other slow people. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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