Saturday, November 19, 2005

The sp*der and the bee.

It's noon up here in Oregon and there are still remnants of frost on the ground. I am sipping my hot cocoa (I already ate the marshmallows)... *sip, sip, ahhhh* Now let me tell you a story...

There once was a sp*der (I don't want the real word in my blog) who lived in my garage. Let's call it... "Hugo". Mainly because it was freakin' huge. Hugo would roam from corner or corner so that I would never know where to expect him. Oh, and I have a funny feeling it wasn't a him, but a her, and she was making more Hugos...
Anyway, one morning I would go out to the garage and Hugo would be near the garage door, making it difficult to open. The next day, she would be above the door that entered into the house, so I could fear the day when she would drop down on me and kill me.
Now let me introduce you to a bee. We'll call it "Bob". Bob appeared suddenly one day while I was driving in a parking lot. I tried to stop and let him out of the Jeep, but he hid. Of course that just meant that one fateful evening I would turn my headlights on, only to be stung by Bob. But after a week and a half or so, I forgot about Bob and went along my merry way.
A couple of days ago, I go into the garage and look nervously around for Hugo. I get into Roger to start him up and right there on my steering wheel is Bob. I about had a heart attack!!! You see, my first instinct was that it was Hugo! I thought she was there to kill me!!! I spasmed and jumped out of the Jeep. After I realized it was just Bob, I took a piece of paper and knocked him down one of the drain holes in Roger and made sure he was in the path of my tire (he was either dead or dormant).
On my way to open the garage door, ohhhh, there was Hugo. So I quickly opened the door and backed out (although I never found Bob's remains...). I then took the leaf rake (because it has the longest handle), and put good use to the adrenaline that was in place of my blood.
It took about 20 whacks because the leaf rake kept missing, but eventually Hugo was HISTORY!!!!
There is no moral to this story, but it sure makes me happy.


Faythe said...

Aww. Poor Hugo! I don't, however feel one bit sorry for Bob, as he stung you.

aimee said...

Well, Bob didn't actually sting me... I was just afraid he would. I mean, he was hiding!!!... obviously to be sneaky!!! As for Hugo, she was an evil thing that needed to go.


Daisy Ditzy Do said...

I am with you Aimee. Sp*ders are freaky and they are all out to kill us.

rayleen said...

I remember many a phone call from Aimee, "asking" me to drive all the way to Coronado to kill a sp*der in her tub.

Now I know, all those years of training aka refusing to drive over to kill the sp*ders has encouraged you to become the Hugo killer that you are!